Spotlight - Mary Brower

Since I am running on behalf of my mom, you may think she was a great runner who participated in lots of events, including perhaps a marathon. And you would be wrong. She occasionally swam, but never ran. I, however, am the opposite I run, but I don't swim. Well, I can swim enough so I won't drown in the pool or anything, but dump my ass out in the middle of the ocean and I am shark kibble.

My mom was one of those awesome moms that all my friends wished they had. She was fun loving, mischievous (in a good way), caring, and very open. I could talk to her about anything and everything without a problem. Even the dreaded S-E-X was acceptable. (To discus, not act upon--don't want to give you the wrong idea here!) She was not only my mom, but also my friend.

Throughout my entire childhood, mom was always a bit forgetful and easily confused. She would always play it off with a laugh or a joke. Sometime at her own expense. My brother and I grew up thinking--that's just mom, you know how she is. We never thought twice about it. Perhaps we should have.

In 1993 my dad had his first heart attack and it was also at this time we discovered that he was a type 2 diabetic. My mom became his primary caregiver while working full time. So any mix-ups about times or dates, etc. were chalked up to her having too many balls in the air. Again, we didn't think anything of it, it was just mom being mom.

After my dad passed away in 2004, we noticed changes in mom, but chalked it up to her losing her partner and being on her own for the first time in her life. Mom had gone straight from her father's house to her husband’s. There were days and times when she was aware, she called both my brother and I to ask what she should do now that she was alone. Hobbies? Outings? Trips? There were also times when she tried to pretend all was fine and she was doing well. Maybe she was protecting us?

A few months before my wedding in 2006 things came to a head and we realized something was really wrong and this wasn't normal "mom" stuff. She called me one night to tell me that she had picked out her dress for the wedding and to let me know the color. However, what she told me was "The adults have finished having breakfast and now the kids can come eat." I was completely confused. Thinking I must have heard her wrong, I asked to repeat what she said. She said the same thing. I asked her again and she repeated it very slowly and all I could think of was go as slow as you want I'm still not gonna get it.

After explaining the odd call to my husband, Scott, we called my brother Shawn to discuss. Somehow Shawn was able to talk mom into giving us medical proxy, so we could talk and work with her doctors. After several tests, she was diagnosed with mid to late stage Alzheimer's. Apparently, she had become adept at hiding her condition from us.  After a few events which included a $200 cab ride and disappearing on a trip for seniors it was deemed she couldn't live alone anymore.

We found an assisted living facility that both my brother and I loved. We arranged for mom to get a tour and speak to the head of the facility about possibly moving in. Mom loved it and when we left she was soooo excited to be moving. She even told all her friends that she was leaving. However, moving day turned out to be completely different.

Everyone else had to work, so I helped mom pack a few boxes and took her over to her new home. She was happy and excited. When we got there she told the head of the facility that she wanted to be there and was looking forward to it. After the paperwork and a visit with the facility's medical department to go over her medicine regime we were unpacking in her new room. She began to get ancy and said she wanted to unpack later. She told me she was hungry, so we went downstairs where they distracted mom by getting her a snack and then got her involved in an activity. They said it might be easier if I left while she was distracted.

An hour later I received a phone call that she had tried to leave the building three times to go home. Since they are an assisted living facility and the folks who live there want to be there, they are not equipped to be chasing escapees. Never thought my mom would be trying to make a break for it. I had visions of Steve McQueen going over the wall. So I came back and had a discussion with the head of the facility. It seemed that the best option would be to have mom taken to the hospital for an evaluation, if it was determined that she couldn't live alone, or in an assisted facility the hospital would place her. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make, but I knew something had to be done because this assisted living facility was the only one Shawn and I could find that would take an Alzheimer's patient with no insurance. We were out of ideas.

The paramedics insisted on putter her on a stretcher and taking her out to the ambulance through the front door. This took her past the dining room where dinner was being held. Everyone turned to look--not that I could blame them. Like mom I use humor when stressed, so I turned to the room and said "This ends the floor show portion of the evening." and just kept going. The folks at the facility gave me directions--which included the phrase “you can't miss it” (which anyone who has been on a run with me knows I will in fact miss it and will become lost). Apparently, I would come to an intersection and I’m to make a right, afterwards I will follow the bend in the road until I see the large Jesus statue marking the hospital entrance.

Of course once alone in the car, I began to cry as I drove (always a good combo). When I came around the aforementioned bend in the road I yelled, “JESUS!!” at the top of my lungs. For there on my left was the little brother of the Jesus statue in Brazil. This thing was huge and had a bright spotlight pointed right at. You would have to be blind to miss statue. Now, I grew up in a very religious household so it was a very comforting sight. It also meant I didn't get lost. Miracle!

To make a long story short, the hospital placed mom in a facility where she resided until we were able to find her a much better place in Montrose, NY. Thanks to Natalie, my brother’s sister-in-law and a nursing assistant. She lived in Montrose until her death in February, 2012.

I still miss her and every now and then I catch myself using one of her expressions or mannerisms. It both frightens and pleases me. I have also caught myself crying on a couple of training runs. However, one thing is definite--I love my mom!